Formal Self Introduction

Subject: Self Introduction


Dear Professor Blackstone,


As a student in your communication class, i would like to formally introduce myself. I am Chen Zhouzhi and i graduated from Ngee Ann polytechnic with a diploma in Automation and Mechatronic Systems in 2015. After much consideration, i have decided to pursue a degree in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building services) offered by SIT. The reason why i chose to pursue this degree is that ever since i was young, buildings have always intrigued me and the idea of giving life to a building has captured me.


When it comes to communication, i will say i am not the most eloquent speaker and writer out there. During presentations, i might sometimes stutter and therefore will not be able to deliver the presentation with clarity. Also, sometimes i face difficulty penning my thoughts down into words. I am definitely lacking in these areas and that is why i am hoping to improve myself in your class by being more confident speaking in front large groups and in myself.


Also having taken some communication classes during my time in the polytechnic, i am much more aware of my body language. Knowing how important it is and how we are always communicating non verbally, i will now try to avoid exhibiting any negative signs of body language so as to not give off the wrong impression.


So my goals for this module are to be eloquent in both my speech and writing, as well as to improve my command in the English language. Therefore, i look forward to attend your classes. Not only will your class help me in my presentations in classes and future essays, it will also help me in the long run too.


Yours Sincerely,
Chen Zhouzhi

SIE 2016 Group 5

Edited 20/9/17

Commented:
http://junhec.blogspot.sg/2017/09/self-introduction.html (June He, Groupmate)
http://wooglenna.blogspot.sg/2017/09/self-introduction_13.html (Glenna, Groupmate)
http://jeromeeffcom.blogspot.sg/2017/09/subject-self-introduction-dear.html (Jerome, Classmate)


Comments

  1. Hi Zhouzhi,

    Below are the errors that I have pointed out:

    I have noticed that in your blog, you write your 'I' in small letter. 'I' is a pronoun and it should be capitalize.

    1. "graduated from Ngee Ann polytechnic with a diploma in Automation and Mechatronic Systems " - Ngee Ann Polytechnic is a proper noun, the 'p' in polytechnic should be capitalize. As said in class, you do not need to capitalize your diploma i.e. diploma in automation and mechatronic systems.

    2. "Also, sometimes i face difficulty penning my thoughts down into words."- the word "sometimes" is redundant because you have already mentioned it in the front part of your sentence.

    3. "I am definitely lacking in these areas and that is why i am hoping to improve myself in your class by being more confident speaking in front large groups and in myself." - this particular sentence structure looks weird, probably you may want to change it to "I am definitely lacking in these areas and that is why I hope to improve myself by speaking more confidently in front of large groups."

    4. "So my goals for this module are to be eloquent in my speech as well as writing and maybe to improve my command in the english language" - this sentence looks weird, probably you want to change to "my goals are to be eloquent in my speech and writing, as well as to improve my command in the English language.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey ZZ,

    I enjoyed reading your letter! I felt that it was well structured and your points were concise.

    After reading your letter, I have found some minor errors that you may want to take note of!

    1. Paragraph 1 line 5, “ever since young”. I think that there is a grammatical error here. I believe “ever since I was young” would be more appropriate.

    2. Paragraph 2 line 1, “i will say i am”. “I will say that I am” may be more appropriate. Also, the “I” should be capitalized.

    3. Paragraph 2 line 5-6, “more confident speaking in front large groups and in myself.” I believe you are saying that you hope to have more confidence when speaking in font of large groups and also to have more confidence in yourself. I would suggest rephrasing this sentence to make it more coherent.

    4. Paragraph 4 Line 1, “eloquent in my speech as well as writing”. I think that you should rephrase it to “as well as in my writing”.

    5. Signing off, “Yours Sincerely”. I do not think that “Sincerely” should be capitalized.

    I hope you find my points constructive! Please correct me if I have made some incorrect corrections!

    Best wishes,
    Jerome Teng

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Zhou Zhi!

    Body language definitely plays an important role in communication as we can tell whether people are paying attention to you. Just like you, I've also learnt to be more aware of my body language by minimising the use of negative signs such as crossing of arms or looking at my phone.

    Here is one mistake I noticed:
    Last paragraph line 2, it should be 'attending' instead of 'attend'.

    I enjoyed reading your post. Hope to get to know you better in Prof Blackstone's class!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi ZhouZhi,

    It is important to have good communications skills but majority of the people tend to overlook the detail of body language. Body language plays an important role of presentation, as it shows how confident and prepared the presenter is.

    I believe most of the mistakes have already been brought up by our classmates. However, in the future if you're thinking of reducing words count, you may consider removing some of the words.
    For example:
    1) I have decided to pursue the diploma..
    -I decided to pursue the diploma.
    2) I will say I am not the most eloquent speaker and writer..
    -I am not a eloquent speaker and writer

    On top of that maybe you can cut down on using the word "sometimes" because it may sound redundant.

    Similarly, I am weak in communication skills and penning down my thoughts. Hopefully in the near future, we can improve together and help out one and other during the module.

    Cheers,
    Junhe


    ReplyDelete

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